The Penny Principle

[Ed Note: I wrote this back in August, but never used it? I mean, I have a blog. I rant too. What the heck? I think I'm going to call this series: Old Man S&D's Grumpin' and Harumphin' aka You damn kids and your (insert what ever it is that they're doing). Meh...I'll publish something better on Friday.]

An erroneous story about Samsung paying their 1.5 billion dollar lawsuit settlement to Apple in trucks filled with nickels rounded the Internet bend. As usual, we let the facts catch up later, because...screw it, right? Who cares? In the moment, I was gob smacked. I didn't think it was cool or funny or awesome, I was floored by the logistics. A billion fucking dollars in nickels!! Are there that many nickels on planet earth? If so, you would have to pay huge money to a vault services company to collect these nickels and deliver them...somewhere? Then you would have to hire thousands of trucks, and pay drivers, and pay for fuel, and pay per diems, and rent security, and pay nickel un-wrappers, etc... Samsung was going to add hundreds of thousands of dollars to the cost of this already embarrassing loss?

Fortunately I have St. Google to shepherd me in my times of, "What? No way." Two seconds later, I found out:

• False
• The judge hasn't even made a ruling yet, and the figures could get even more made up
• Apple could refuse this form of payment
• There are probably not that many nickels
• The job would require 2,755 18-wheeler trucks
• The story was lifted from an online satire newspaper. (update: Not the Onion, but they have an absolute peach of their own) 

A wire transfer is only like 40 bucks. Though less showy, I would imagine this is how the final sum will be paid. This story had legs because it has plenty of provenance. If you Google (love that guy),  "paid in pennies," you go down an internet sewer tunnel of...ugh, those people are just dicks. Why? What's the point? The principle of the thing? Your response to bureaucratic bullshit that doesn't go your way is to go to the bank, make a withdrawal in pennies ($25 dollars per box), probably have to put in a cash order, or go to multiple branches, then unroll them, put them in buckets, and haul that heavy bullshit into wherever? What a waste of time. My time counts for almost nothing--I write a blog--and my time is worth more than that silliness.

The people on the phone for four hours over a $35 fee. The insane Yelp reviewer. The guy with the homemade bumper sticker on his van that reads, "Don't shop  CAR DEALERSHIP X! They don't care about customers!" I'm not a man fit to question your principles, but I'm allowed to not understand. Does the victory outweigh the burden passed on to yourself? I promise you the machine rolls on unencumbered. This isn't a call to acquiesce, but why carry such a serious weight? Take your money elsewhere. Save your disgust and rage. Embrace your own accountability. There may be a day when you need the energy to fight a more worthy battle, and you'll be hunched over from a lifetime hauling around boxes of pennies.